if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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