I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
