just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
