hell yes lets make some ravioli
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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