i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
