So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
