Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
