I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
