I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.