you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.