The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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