What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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