Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
