I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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