i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
