my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish i was in the wii world.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize