the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize