It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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