I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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