dude i'm inner monologue high
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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