I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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