Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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