There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
