hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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