I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
