Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
