I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
