There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
