I didn't shave. On purpose
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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