How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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