I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
