Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
