I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were trust falling into bushes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
