We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
