question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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