I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
