Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
