Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
