I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
