Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Found the puke drawer
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!