it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer