Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest