Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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