They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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