Your face is a jimmy john
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
