Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
