i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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