it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
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I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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