I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
