Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
