I bet he comes in French.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
