Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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