All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
