3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
