I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
