Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
