I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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