if i died would you start the facebook group?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
