she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
