I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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