No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
