is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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