your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
