whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She bit a glass in half.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
