Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
