would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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