It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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